Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Make-up Haul

I am now living in New Zealand. We left on Saturday, and it is now Tuesday, both in England and New Zealand. At the airport, mum gave me £20 to spend and I had £10. I loved the things they were selling at Accessorise, espesically the bags, but the good, useful items, like the satchels all started at £35, and I didn't really want to be stuck with one item, or to ask mum for more money. I'm good like that.

Instead I went to Claires. I've been wanting to go there for ages, the Airport has alot of great shops! The make-up, jewellery etc, aren't the best quality, but I can't really afford expensive things. I brought enough with my money that all I really need now is a few lipglosses and a good foundation.

I think once I have some sort of income, I will put aside $10 a month or so for makeup. I will go to the make-up counter in town occassionally and try on different eye shadow colours and lipsticks. I like wearing make-up, but I don't have much skill applying it. Or maybe everything I buy is just terrible quality. I don't know. What I do know, is often when I apply it, after half an hour or so, it starts to melt off and I end up looking like a clown, a cheap prostitute or a cross dresser. Its not the best. I wonder if its a result of sweating more because I'm overweight. I'm not really sure, but if that is the case, hopefully it won't be a problem for much longer, because 2012 or 2013 will be the year I reach my goal weight range of 63-70 kilos!

I made a promise to myself. In the past, I have lost alot of weight and I looked GREAT! However, because I was still overweight and bigger than I should have been, I put myself into a awkward situation and ended up losing all of my confidence in my appearance. I went to this musesum with my friend in 2009, called Science Alive. They had this pentagram shaped mirror that you had to crawl into, to look at yourself. I thought it would be an interesting experiance, but seeing myself from so many angles made me look like crap. I was 85 kilos, down from 100 kilos and wearing a size Medium. I had the same experiance trying on bras from Marks and Spensers. There were only three mirrors, but I felt terrible looking at them. My promise to myself, is not to put myself into that situation until I am 70 kilos. The first 15 kilos made such a big difference on the way I looked, imagine what another 15 kilos would do? I guess toning up a bit will help as well!

I think I have body dsymorphia. I see myself as being alot smaller than I actually am- until I see myself in certain mirrors or pictures. I think its kind of a good thing, because otherwise I would be too paranoid and self conscious to ever leave the house! I don't feel like a moderately obese girl, I feel like a slim girl stuck in a fat persons body. Its one of the reasons I hate the way some people treat me, they don't really see me as I am, they just see the packaging, and it aint pretty. When I got down to 85 kilos, I suddenley felt like people were checking me out all the time. I was able to purchase clothing that was alot nicer and I felt more comfortable in my skin. I was able to express myself better with what I was wearing basically. I felt offended because I was exactly the same person on the inside, I just looked better on the outside, but people were suddenley treating me better and it was extremely unfair. If I lose weight again, I'm not really sure how I'll deal with that.

Anyway, I was going to show you the make-up I snatched up at Claires, so here it is. Please don't hate me, I didn't really bring any other make-up over from England, so I had to start from scratch! I'll probably have to do the same thing when I finally get down to a size 6-12 (I'm not really sure what my figure is capible of, or what it will look like at the end of this journey!)

A make-up kit, glitter eyeshadow palate, false eyelashes, an eyelash curler and perfume sticks.

A make-up kit with 14 eyeshadows, six blushes (at least I think thats what they are!), four lip colours, 2 eye pencils (black and brown), a make-up brush, two make-up swop things and mascara.

Something I've been wanting to do, after hearing about Gok Wan, is to put together a capsule wardrobe or 3. Something like this:

Of course I don't have enough money. And I don't want to spend much until I'm down to 70 kilos. Oh and then theres the fact that my mum thinks I have heaps of clothes. Its just not true. I think if I had a nice body, I would shop often, and have kept most of the clothes I've brought in the last 7 years, waiting for them to come back into fashion, so I'd probably have 10x more than I have now. Plus most of the clothes I have at the moment don't match up well with each other and are terrible quality.

I've thought another smart idea would be collecting fashion pictures off the internet, then buying one item I like, such as a printed teeshirt or denim shorts, and seeing how many possible ways people have paired that item with other things, and buy as many combinations of that outfit as possible. I also want to start buying ''whole outfits'' rather than just one piece at a time, so I always have things to wear with each other.

I don't think I'll be buying much from the shops. Everything is so expensive, there isn't always alot of variety, and its not like I have the support of my parents. If I want a great wardrobe, I am going to have to hit the op shops and learn how to sew. Those are two things I'm sure my parents will be okay with. I'm also going to try and create a clothing budget, like $10-25 a week that I can spend. I'm not sure if thats a reasonable amount or not. I would like to spend alot more, but that would involve having a good income or a sugar daddy or some sort. I'm hoping to run a successful business one day. I don't want to go back to the days of dressing like a bag lady because my clothes were basically the quality of rags. That was an embarrassing time for me!

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