Tuesday, 11 October 2011

I really want one of these

...but for decorative purposes. My mum was going to get one for me for my birthday last year, but she said they were £200+. Thats fair enough. If I start sewing, maybe purchasing one wouldn't be such a crazy idea. At the moment, it would be a waste of money. My mum has made plenty of clothes and has got by without a mannequin, so I probably don't need one either. I just think they're cute!

Make-up Haul

I am now living in New Zealand. We left on Saturday, and it is now Tuesday, both in England and New Zealand. At the airport, mum gave me £20 to spend and I had £10. I loved the things they were selling at Accessorise, espesically the bags, but the good, useful items, like the satchels all started at £35, and I didn't really want to be stuck with one item, or to ask mum for more money. I'm good like that.

Instead I went to Claires. I've been wanting to go there for ages, the Airport has alot of great shops! The make-up, jewellery etc, aren't the best quality, but I can't really afford expensive things. I brought enough with my money that all I really need now is a few lipglosses and a good foundation.

I think once I have some sort of income, I will put aside $10 a month or so for makeup. I will go to the make-up counter in town occassionally and try on different eye shadow colours and lipsticks. I like wearing make-up, but I don't have much skill applying it. Or maybe everything I buy is just terrible quality. I don't know. What I do know, is often when I apply it, after half an hour or so, it starts to melt off and I end up looking like a clown, a cheap prostitute or a cross dresser. Its not the best. I wonder if its a result of sweating more because I'm overweight. I'm not really sure, but if that is the case, hopefully it won't be a problem for much longer, because 2012 or 2013 will be the year I reach my goal weight range of 63-70 kilos!

I made a promise to myself. In the past, I have lost alot of weight and I looked GREAT! However, because I was still overweight and bigger than I should have been, I put myself into a awkward situation and ended up losing all of my confidence in my appearance. I went to this musesum with my friend in 2009, called Science Alive. They had this pentagram shaped mirror that you had to crawl into, to look at yourself. I thought it would be an interesting experiance, but seeing myself from so many angles made me look like crap. I was 85 kilos, down from 100 kilos and wearing a size Medium. I had the same experiance trying on bras from Marks and Spensers. There were only three mirrors, but I felt terrible looking at them. My promise to myself, is not to put myself into that situation until I am 70 kilos. The first 15 kilos made such a big difference on the way I looked, imagine what another 15 kilos would do? I guess toning up a bit will help as well!

I think I have body dsymorphia. I see myself as being alot smaller than I actually am- until I see myself in certain mirrors or pictures. I think its kind of a good thing, because otherwise I would be too paranoid and self conscious to ever leave the house! I don't feel like a moderately obese girl, I feel like a slim girl stuck in a fat persons body. Its one of the reasons I hate the way some people treat me, they don't really see me as I am, they just see the packaging, and it aint pretty. When I got down to 85 kilos, I suddenley felt like people were checking me out all the time. I was able to purchase clothing that was alot nicer and I felt more comfortable in my skin. I was able to express myself better with what I was wearing basically. I felt offended because I was exactly the same person on the inside, I just looked better on the outside, but people were suddenley treating me better and it was extremely unfair. If I lose weight again, I'm not really sure how I'll deal with that.

Anyway, I was going to show you the make-up I snatched up at Claires, so here it is. Please don't hate me, I didn't really bring any other make-up over from England, so I had to start from scratch! I'll probably have to do the same thing when I finally get down to a size 6-12 (I'm not really sure what my figure is capible of, or what it will look like at the end of this journey!)

A make-up kit, glitter eyeshadow palate, false eyelashes, an eyelash curler and perfume sticks.

A make-up kit with 14 eyeshadows, six blushes (at least I think thats what they are!), four lip colours, 2 eye pencils (black and brown), a make-up brush, two make-up swop things and mascara.

Something I've been wanting to do, after hearing about Gok Wan, is to put together a capsule wardrobe or 3. Something like this:

Of course I don't have enough money. And I don't want to spend much until I'm down to 70 kilos. Oh and then theres the fact that my mum thinks I have heaps of clothes. Its just not true. I think if I had a nice body, I would shop often, and have kept most of the clothes I've brought in the last 7 years, waiting for them to come back into fashion, so I'd probably have 10x more than I have now. Plus most of the clothes I have at the moment don't match up well with each other and are terrible quality.

I've thought another smart idea would be collecting fashion pictures off the internet, then buying one item I like, such as a printed teeshirt or denim shorts, and seeing how many possible ways people have paired that item with other things, and buy as many combinations of that outfit as possible. I also want to start buying ''whole outfits'' rather than just one piece at a time, so I always have things to wear with each other.

I don't think I'll be buying much from the shops. Everything is so expensive, there isn't always alot of variety, and its not like I have the support of my parents. If I want a great wardrobe, I am going to have to hit the op shops and learn how to sew. Those are two things I'm sure my parents will be okay with. I'm also going to try and create a clothing budget, like $10-25 a week that I can spend. I'm not sure if thats a reasonable amount or not. I would like to spend alot more, but that would involve having a good income or a sugar daddy or some sort. I'm hoping to run a successful business one day. I don't want to go back to the days of dressing like a bag lady because my clothes were basically the quality of rags. That was an embarrassing time for me!

Saturday, 1 October 2011

5 Clothing items I would like right now (or when I'm skinny!)

1. A jean jacket
 (I would also like a cropped one, and some in a few different colours, like white)
2. A satchel bag

(I have a slight obsession with owls at the moment- they're everywhere though!)

3. A nude coloured bra

4. A bib necklace

5. Cameo Stuff


We are moving back to New Zealand. This has not been an easy decision for my parents and I, but it was the right thing to do.

I have wanted to start a fashion blog for a while, but I don't exactly have a desirable wardrobe, or body to clothe. I don't want to run a plus sized clothing blog either, because in my mind, I am a skinny person screaming to come out!

Since we are moving home, I thought now would be the ideal time to start writing in here. Most of my clothes are getting shipped in a storage container back to NZ, and I only have about a week and a halves worth of clothing in my suitcase. Last time we moved overseas, I replaced my clothes pretty quickly. They weren't neccessarily things I liked, but I needed things so I didn't have much choice. Also, by the time things arrived (over a year after we moved!) I realised my clothes were so horrible and poor quality I ended up chucking the majority of them out. My clothes improved slightly in that time, but not much. I just never have money to spend on those sorts of things.

So what do I spend money on? Well I like getting a new computer game occassionally, I love collecting DVDs, I recently got a new computer and I have been buying camera equipment. Its unfortunate my hobbies are so expensive, because it doesn't leave much money for anything else. Because of my bipolar, I haven't had much money coming in, so I have been saving up pocket money.

Back to my other point about moving back home, I will be getting a job, so I will have more money. I'm also hoping to buy a few new things once I'm settled because I will have to go to interviews, I want to spend more time working out, and the state of the two bras I own is appalling.

Since I'm a size 16-20 at the moment, I will probably be mostly writing on my weightloss blog to start off with. Once I get to my goal weight, a year from now, I will probably write on here more, because I will have a nice body to dress!

For now you should read this blog. I love it! http://dailyfashionboost.blogspot.com/ She started out like me, without many nice clothes, but over three years she has built up quite a collection! She rarely wears the same thing twice, and she has a whole book shelf filled with shoes, a mannequin that she designs dresses on and two clothing racks filled with dresses, tops and jackets. She also takes daily photos of what shes wearing, and as a result ends up with lots of real nice pictures of herself, around her hometown.

I don't think I would spend as much money on clothes as her, because I have too many other interests, but I'm definately inspired by her! She seems like a fun girl too :)